Cake on the Floor

Careful now, careful,

It’s okay we’ll make it

A quick hike and we’ll be there,

Take lots of pictures,

What beautiful flowers,

Forget-me-nots how sweet,

Almost there, nearly,

Don’t wander too far,

I might get lost,

Slow down I can’t keep up,

Wait, don’t go,

I can’t carry it alone,

Oh no it’s falling,

It’s raining I can taste it,

Please look back,

Don’t just keep going,

Watch your step, wait

You trod on the flowers,

What were they worth anyway,

It looks like fun over there,

I’ll just stay here,

I can’t very well leave,

Not now there’s cake on the floor.

 

 

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Like Nothing Changed

We spoke of life,

I laughed with you,

You smiled up to me,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

We shared the hook,

Your chest rose and fell,

I smiled down to you,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

We held hands,

I heard you breathing,

You asked for him,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

I sat beside you,

I held it all in,

You couldn’t find comfort,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

They delivered the news,

I screamed for the first time,

You lay waiting for us,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

I held your hand,

You were sleeping,

You were only sleeping,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

I stood above you,

You were at peace,

I wouldn’t let you stop sleeping,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

She held my hand,

You took his as I spoke,

You were no longer sleeping,

And like nothing changed, I left

 

Separation

Over in the UK there is an impending referendum for the people of Scotland as to whether or not they want to become independent.

I personally, considering everything that I can get my hands on, do not think that this would be good for Scotland or England. I also have a personal bias as I have family in Scotland, my father being born there.

The idea of separation has been playing on my mind recently, will the UK separate from the EU (hopefully not), will Scotland become independent (hopefully not). And then there are the more personal, hard hitting, separations that have been weighing on my mind for a while.

September 2013 I left my home, the city in which I had spent 18 years, and I moved away to study. I spent nearly everyday of those 18 years in the company of my younger brother and my mother, and boy did I cry when I first moved up. I spent months cursing them before I left, constantly saying how I couldn’t wait to leave, but when I left it suddenly hit me that the people to whom I had been bound for 18 years had been torn from me. Now, 6 months later, I couldn’t be happier, but that initial feeling of separation at the time felt like it wold never go away.

As I moved away so did my brother, just so happens in the same direction, but it feels like he is worlds away. At 16 he didn’t want to go onto further study, he could imagine nothing worse, and instead took the path that my mother and father had taken many years ago, and joined the British army. Currently he is in army college so it’s nothing too scary yet, but just knowing that one day, especially the way this world is going, he will be at war, it terrifies me. Towards the end of our time together I was ready to kill him, for he is the most annoying younger brother in the world, but I love him more than I could ever express in words. He is only around 20 minutes away from where I am living, but soon will be hours away upon completion of phase one of his training.

A few months ago, after his first six weeks at college, we were allowed to visit him. Hundreds of people, mothers, fathers, brothers, and sisters all clustered into the huge gym and we waited for our junior soldiers. There was a shout and suddenly everything fell silent. A huge curtain was drawn across the entire width of the gym, and people began to clap and cheer. Each and every junior solider stood before us, never have I seen such a sight of complete discipline and formality. As the people around us clapped and cheered, the junior soldiers began to filter out into the crowd. My eyes already starting to tingle as I searched through the crowds of people, once I found him, his clumsy huge head bobbing through the crowd, I began to cry. He smiled the gormless smile that I love so much and pulled me into his huge arms – he is a monster of a boy, his nickname is Tank, need I say more?

Never has separation hit me harder than on that day.

My brother’s mini squad getting ready to show us their stomping skills – post blubbering mess.

Separation happens our whole lives, being born possibly the biggest and scariest separation of all, one day you are happily floating around in a lovely warm womb, and the next you are cold and being poked and prodded by men in terrifying masks.

Then there are the smaller things, separating yourself from your dummy, or that blanket that you once carried everywhere – my mother’s silk slip was my comforter. We  leave behind our childish views of the world, we separate ourselves from old dreams, and wishes, expectations, and hopes.

As painful as it can be, sometimes it is a good thing, just like change. My brother is doing something that he loves, my mother finally has the house to herself, and my father lives just up the road from me. And I am studying law, something that I never in a million years thought I would be bright enough to take on, and living my dream.

Although I miss them terribly, we are all happy in our own ways. All things considered though, I still think that Scotland should stay put.

Well, that’s my not so brief thought on the matter. So, what are your thoughts?

Happy Friday. Keep reading & spread the love.

B.